Black Love Day: A Valentine's alternative

By: Vanessa Rozier/Contributing Writer

Posted: 2/12/07

Wearing long hair locks colorful garbs, Ayo Handy-Kendi eases into a chair in the corner of her living room, surrounded by African artwork and sculptures, wind chimes, plants and musical instruments. She picks up a glass of water and this DC native is ready to muse about the holiday she founded, Black Love Day.

"When we act, we actively bring love in our community," said Kendi. And that is exactly what she did on February 13, 1993. On a warm New Year's Eve day 14 years ago, after watching Spike Lee's film, "Malcolm X," Kendi received her calling.

"When I watched the movie version of Malcolm being riddled by bullets by a Black man, tears just came to my eyes," said Kendi. "I was speaking out loud to myself saying, 'Lord, Lord, we have so much violence in my community, how we just killed Malcolm like that.' And I remember saying to myself, 'Lord God, what can I do to stop violence and increase peace?'"

It was in that moment that Kendi focused her energies to the creation of a new holiday for African Americans and for everyone around the world. For 24 hours, Kendi, and her organization, the African American Holiday Association, charges everyone to take time out to show love on February 13, the day before Valentine's Day.

"Those 24 hours should be defined," said Kendi. "We should look for five specific acts of love." Love to the Creator first, then love for yourself, your family, your community, and your race. Handy-Kendi disdains the common expressions of love associated with Valentine's Day such as gifts.

Instead, she offers numerous substitute recommendations. "Offer forgiveness, bond, be mindful, sit down and have a family meal, send a letter, visit a gravesite to express love for them or set up an ancestral alter.

"Make that call that you haven't made in a while. Have a group discussion about how to make decisions of how to transform into a better working system. Think, 'what can I do to better my community?'"

But Kendi has not always loathed material things. Going back almost 50 years ago, her mother, Doris A. M. Thomas recalls the entrepreneur that has always existed in her daughter's soul. "She has always been an entrepreneur," said Thomas.

As young as eight years old, Thomas said her daughter would find ways to do things on her own. She made pot holders to sell. She even made toasts, put them in a basket, and went door to door to sell her toasts.

Handy-Kendi's philosophy of Black Love came in handy three years after she founded the holiday when life dealt her two back-to-back blows. In 1996, her 17-year- old son was beaten to death.

"When he was killed, I had to exercise all of my Black love to achieve forgiveness," Kendi said. Then six months later, her father died of brain cancer. "I had to go through a whole lot of healing behind both of their deaths and in that process, Black love sustained me."

Last month, Thomas's grandson, 21, was shot in the leg from a stray bullet. "It's Kendi's mission, as a peace advocate, to force violent acts, such as these, out of the Black community," a philosophical Thomas said.

The colors associated with Black Love Day, purple and Black, are representations of what is needed to stop violence in Black communities. The color purple was chosen for its spirituality. "Black is the synthesis of all the colors," said Kendi. It is also used "to reframe the color Black as a positive color."

The holiday falls on the 13th, not by coincidence, but because of its significance. "Looking at the numerology, understanding that the 13th is a spiritual number of transformation, it is a time for change," said Kendi. "When you look on the back of the dollar bill, you see all of these images of the number 13, from the 13 arrows that the eagle holds, to the 13 stars in the emblem."

The first Black Love Day, in 1993, was in the form of a health fair with conversations centered on the healing power of love. Black Love Day in 2007 will be focused on health as well, but with a twist.

"This year's theme is healing racism impacting families," said Kendi. "It was sparked through listening to all of the fall out behind this Virginia legislature seeming confusion around the apology for slavery."

Kendi said, "A great reason why there is such a disparity in health is because of racism. We are so stressed out about all of the little subtle racial innuendoes Black people deal with at the job, out on the street, in store, just in our daily lives."

A relationship ceremony will be held from 7:00 to 9:00 p.m. this year at St. Steven's Church, 1525 Newton Street, NW. Admission is free. "Black Love Day is something universal to bring our people together," Handy-Kendi declared.