Growing crisis of domestic abuse in the church

By: Charlotte Young/Staff Writer

Posted: 10/21/07

With her stylish brown Versace glasses, pearl earrings, and manicured nails, Rev. Dr. Unnia Pettus seems to be a woman used to the finer things in life. On this particular day, Rev. Pettus, associate minister at Galilee Baptist Church in Suitland, MD., is sitting down to a meal of salad and sizzling hot steak fajitas. She is ready to discuss the crime of domestic abuse, which she said can happen between church people. It happened to her just a few years ago, leading her to be strapped to a hospital bed under 24/7 suicide watch while doctors pumped her stomach.

"I felt like I was at a bottom of a well," Pettus said of her suicide attempt. "I knew if I looked up, there was a potential opening, but I was so deep in it that I didn't have the strength to look up."

The suicide attempt was the breaking point to the abusive relationship she had had with the man she describes as a "devout Christian and an active church worker."

"Every opportunity he had behind closed doors, he'd belittle me," Rev. Pettus said. "He told me I was stupid and ugly, that he wasn't in love with me. Then there was the physical shoving and pushing, grabbing my face."

According to Today's Christian Woman, one out of every four Christian couples experiences at least one episode of physical abuse within their marriage. "Countless Christian women are battered every day," reports this bi-monthly lifestyles magazine for women of faith, published by the Christianity Online group. Black Women's Health estimates that domestic violence occurs in an estimated 4 million intimate relationships in the U.S. each year.

"I played the game," Rev. Pettus said. "I was deeply in love. In public we looked like the perfect couple, but as soon as we got in the car there was the yelling."

Rev. Pettus, who is an adjunct professor at Howard University and also owns a public relations firm, sought help for her relationship from the pastor of the church she attended and help from a counselor at a church but after one session, he refused to come back.

The physical, emotional, and mental abuse were wrenching. But it was his cheating that brought Rev. Pettus to the final breaking point. When the woman he'd been cheating with called the home to taunt Pettus, she told the man she loved it was over. She was going to kill herself. Taking a quick trip to CVS, Pettus bought a bottle of sleeping pills and overdosed. She woke up in a hospital psychiatric ward to doctors pumping her stomach.

"I was told I could have died with the deadly mix of pills that I took, which is just what I wanted to do -- just die," Rev. Pettus writes in her tell-all book, "Nobody But God: A Journey of Faith From Tears To Triumph." The book was released October 1, the beginning of Domestic Violence Month. It's available online on Amazon or through contact with her at upettus@aol.com. Many Christian and African-American bookstores are also carrying it.

"God told me to write this book and that it would be successful," Rev. Pettus said. "Those that have been victimized were happy because finally people could see that the abuser could be in your church, sitting in the pew next to you."

Her self-published book is informational and a testament of personal domestic violence from a spiritual perspective. Though Rev. Pettus believes there may be judgment from the church and surprise that she had been in the situation, she is not afraid to face it.

"I'm not embarrassed to say that I was a victim and that I tried to kill myself," Rev. Pettus said. "I would be if I hadn't written the book."

Rev. Pettus believes that the emotional battering has left her with incurable Chron's disease, a type of inflamatory bowel disease. During the last three years, she has undergone major surgeries. Her surgery in June 2004 ended with the removal of her colon.

"They didn't think I'd make it to see my 38th birthday," Rev. Pettus said. "But now I'm 39. Even with this, I praise God; He uses it for his glory. God kept me through this; I'm a living miracle. No matter how far you fall, God can pick you up."

If you are in an abusive relationship please seek help. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-784-2433.