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Pay your respects from your computer screen

By Laura Petrecca
On June 18, 2012

  • Mobile scan codes containing images and data can be found on tombstones today.

When her 91-year-old aunt passed away in 2010, Diane DiResta videotaped the eulogies to create a record of the moving words spoken. She wasn't ready to talk about her aunt at the service, so she used an online tool for publishing audio to record her thoughts, then e-mailed the audio file to close family.

 And when a cherished 89-year-old uncle died in Las Vegas in February - and there was no funeral service to follow - the New York City resident again turned to technology.
 "Since there was no way for the family to share his life and express their grief together, I created a blog," she said. "I added pictures, and family members were able to post their memories of him."
 This is Mourning 2.0. Technological advances have dramatically altered how we grieve for and memorialize the dead.
 The bereaved now readily share their sorrow via Facebook comments. They light virtual candles on memorial websites, upload video tributes to YouTube and express sadness through online funeral home guest books. Mourners affix adhesive-backed barcodes or "QR code" chips to tombstones so visitors can pull up photos and videos with a scan of a smartphone.
 Those in need of consolation can replay the streaming video of a funeral service to hear a cleric's comforting words. Those who want help remembering a yahrtzeit - the anniversary of death in the Jewish faith - can get e-mail reminders from websites such as
 "It would be naive to assume that technology would leave the 'death sector' unaffected," said Ari Zoldan, CEO of wireless-products provider Quantum Networks. "Technology has pervaded all aspects of our lives, and the honoring of our dearly departed is no exception."
 At the International Cemetery, Cremation and Funeral Association's convention in Las Vegas in March, high-tech companies mingled with the more expected urn suppliers and casket makers on the exhibition floor.
The new mourning rituals come as society increasingly embraces all things digital. Nearly half of Americans own smartphones, according to the Pew Research Center. One in five owned a tablet in January, up from one in 10 in December. Eight in 10 are on the Internet - and two-thirds of those online users tap into social-media sites.
"People are getting much more comfortable with multimedia," says Elaine C. Haney, CEO of, an online publisher of local and national obituaries. "It's become simple for people of just about any age to use."
Mourners can find online support groups, participate in "grief recovery" webinars - and take heart that their loved one will not be forgotten when they see new comments on a Facebook page or memorial website.
"This is the best part of the Internet," said says Therese A. Rando, author of "How to Go on Living When Someone You Love Dies." "It connects people and allows them to recognize that they are not alone."
Angelo Merendino, 38, lost his wife, Jennifer, in December. He continues to update a Facebook page that documents her battle with breast cancer, which began five months after their 2007 wedding.
It's filled with black-and-white photos he took that show Jennifer in various stages of the disease. In one, she is thin, bald and receiving chemotherapy. In another, she poses with Angelo's father, who is playfully wearing one of her wigs.
"One of the most amazing things to me is how people have responded," Merendino said. "I'm humbled when I see what someone has written. ... People have really been moved by my and Jen's love for each other."
Seeing the new mourning trends - and the potential to create new revenue streams - the conservative funeral industry is cautiously entering the digital arena.
"Funeral homes are looking to reinvent themselves in many ways," said's Haney. "You're hard-pressed to go to a wake anymore where there isn't video tribute on a flat panel, vs. pictures on a bulletin board."
In addition to providing high-definition screens to play video homages, many funeral homes offer add-ons such as the live-streaming of a funeral for a few hundred dollars, the ability to keep a digital guest book permanently active for $80, and the opportunity to keep a digital candle "lit" on a memorial page for $50.
While the funeral home industry faces falling profit margins - down to an estimated 10.4 percent in 2011 from 11.4 percent in 2006, according to research group IBISWorld - don't expect any overly aggressive leaps into digital services, said Haney.
"This is an industry that is very thoughtful about change and does not change rapidly," she said. "You always want to be doing the cutting edge, but we have to walk a fine line, so you can't be too cutting edge." 

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